One Year Ago Today, Part 2.....

I just spent the last 30 minutes going through a pile of girly clothes with a little girl who just couldn't make up her mind about what to wear tomorrow. "Should I wear the skirt with the cropped tights and cute shirt, or should I wear the new pants, or the shorts, or the dress, or...." You get the idea. By the end of the 30 minutes, we had a pile of choices from which to decide. I had to laugh when I thought back to one year ago when we met this little girl who had only one shirt and one pair of pants. And even those were not hers alone. She shared them with 7 other kids. She could have never dreamed of the world she lives in now.

Tonight at dinner we were reminiscing about that fateful meeting one year ago today. The kids all laughed as I described the stinky overnight train ride with the gross bathroom. Everyone laughed when I told them about poor Granny having to actually use the bathroom not once, but FOUR times. This was unlike any other trip to meet the newest family member. I told Dasha about being met at the train station in Taraz, Kazakhstan at 4:00 in the morning by our coordinators, Vera and Medet, and finally making it to our hotel that was to be our home for a month. I told her about waiting until the afternoon to finally get to go to the orphanage, where we met with the director and were told that we could meet with a sweet little girl. When I told her that I had never been so nervous in my whole life before I met her, she laughed. " No Mommy - I was more scared than I have ever been. I didn't know what was happening!" She wanted to know why I would have been scared, and I told her that I was really afraid that she wouldn't like me and wouldn't want to be in our family. She thought that was hilarious and then said something that makes me think maybe, just maybe we have done something right. She said, "But Mommy, I was in your heart, remember? You knew you were my mommy and you loved me." So maybe life in America and our family hasn't scarred her completely!

After that conversation, we started naming all of the things that are different for her now compared to one year ago. She took great pride in naming many of the differences: "I had short hair and now my hair is long. I eat lots of different foods and I used to only eat soup. I don't get sick in the car anymore." Let me add some more: She had never seen a swimming pool and now she is a great swimmer. She had never heard of baseball and now she can run into a room, see the Angel game on tv and yell out the score. She is even excited to play softball this year. She used to think that teachers were to be feared and she now gives her new first grade teacher a hug each day. She used to be afraid to talk and now, well, lets just say our house is very loud. She used to not know how old she was or when (or what) her birthday was. Now we spend a great deal of time every day agonizing over just what kind of party she is going to have next month when she turns 7 - "Mommy - I would like a giant pool and a princess bouncy house in the backyard for my birthday." That was last week, the request changes daily. A year ago, she was so terrified to be away from my side. I really thought that I was never going to be able to leave the room without her again. She had no basis for trust and could not let herself believe that I would always be there. While that is a fear that we will always have to work on, it is barely evident now. She runs into Sunday school, first grade, and swim lessons full of confidence and without hesitation. She knows that I will always be there, but she still gets fearful if the routine changes a little. I saw a little bit of that fear yesterday when I was literally one minute late picking her up from school. I had to give her a huge hug and look her in the eyes and tell her, "Mommy will never leave you. Do you know that?" She shook her head yes, but needed a pretty tight hug for a minute. Then she was fine and went running to tell her brother about school.

One year ago she never would have dreamed of having siblings, or being a sibling. Now she loves being a sister, having a sister and having two brothers. She and Jacob are as close as they would be if they had been siblings their whole lives. They are inseparable at home (except during the regular sibling fights). He has helped her to develop a wonderful imagination. They put on shows for us daily and make us and each other laugh. Last week I overheard them talking when I was in the other room. Jacob said to Dasha, "You are my best friend, Dasha." To which she responded, "I can't be your friend, I'm your sister." Jacob explained to her that he could be her friend and sister. Then they had a philosophical discussion about the fact that they could be friends, but they couldn't get married. Then they would have babies with three heads. So then they each suggested potential mates for each other. It's never too early to start planning, huh?

Amber and Mitchell have really helped Dasha learn what it means to be in a family. They have been incredibly patient and loving with her, even in the most trying times. They have accepted her as their sister without question. She and Jacob both have learned what it means to be a brother and sister who truly love and respect one another by watching the example that Amber and Mitchell have set for them.

Most importantly, one year ago, Dasha did not know what it meant to be in a family, to have parents who love and cherish her, and to know that she was planned by God and matters. Now I get sweet kisses every day, huge hugs, and a sweet Russian-accented voice telling me that she loves me. To which I respond, "I love you more!"

One Year Ago Today

It is hard to believe, but exactly one year ago today we boarded a plane bound for Kazakhstan. Well, actually, it was a plane bound for Frankfurt Germany, followed by a plane bound for Kazakhstan. The memories this weekend have been flooding back to me like it was just yesterday. At this time last year, I was truly terrified, not believing that we were actually going through with our plans and not sure why I would have ever gotten myself into such a situation. The trip was so long, it actually took three days before we even met our daughter. In that three days' time, we were thrown into situations I could have never imagined at any point earlier in my life. All I could think of at that time was how much I wanted to come right back home. Luckily, my fears did not get the best of me, because now when I look back on those things that terrified me, I am filled with fond memories. I actually grew to love the country of my daughter's birth. I grew to love the simple lifestyle, the beauty of the Russian language, and a town that loves its children enough to have a "bounce house" party every night in the town square.

Of course, when we first arrived in Kazakhstan, all I saw was the differences between there and my home. I remember waking up the first morning and going down to the breakfast buffet. I don't know about you, but "breakfast buffet" to me means eggs, hash browns, sausage - you know, that kind of stuff. The buffet we woke up to was made up of mostly food I couldn't even recognize. I remember being worried that I would not be able to eat again for the entire trip. Luckily, there was yogurt and something that looked like crepes. Jacob thought it was the best breakfast he had ever had. Many times during the trip, I had to look to my four year old to set my mind in the right direction. We were following God, our Father's guidance for this trip. I should have had the same mentality that Jacob did. He was just following his father's (and mother's) guidance. Since he was following us, he never felt worry or fear. He knew his father would never let him be harmed, and had a plan for a great adventure. I knew that God had a plan for a great adventure for me, too, but I just couldn't get past the fear. I had to remind myself of that many times during our trip and even during the first few months at home. A year later, I can look back on this adventure and truly see the hand of God in all of it. Our daughter was made to be in our family, and I was made to be her mother. On September 12, 2006, our lives changed forever when we finally met the girl who would be known from that point on as Dasha Kathryn Werkmeister. I will post again in a few days with a full update on our little Kazakh princess.